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Friday, August 15th, 2008
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11:51 pm
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She got nicotine-basted
lungs
wasted thumbs
and one of them asphalt
tastin' tongues
she wakes up
to alarm
her make-up
is still on
and she can't remember
why she set the damn thing
her heart is a machine
art is meant to be seen
not felt
not heard
it's just paint
they're just words
and fingers are for feeling
fists are for beating
scabs are for healing
and blood is for bleeding
that's just how
I used to be
but I'm not even good at
being me
anymore.
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| Monday, November 14th, 2005
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7:27 pm
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i am currently standing on this mat and at any minute it could be ripped out from underneath me. this is an unsettling feeling. it is all unsettling.
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| Thursday, October 6th, 2005
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4:39 pm
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my phone calls one of the swamps of lumberton, mississippi its new home. punny, but blast.
don't worry still missing you.
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| Friday, September 23rd, 2005
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11:46 am
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i'm alive and safe, but climbing the walls.
calling an abandonded kmart home is quite bizarre.
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| Monday, August 29th, 2005
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7:17 pm
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5 hours. bitches.
21 years old. meat free. caffine free. nicotine free. alcohol riddled.
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| Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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3:28 pm
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i am leaving for london on sunday!
i have four days to pack. four days for it to sink into my head that this will be the best/worst experience ever. tomorrow i am having my passport expedited and after that is accomplished there is little to nothing standing in my way of going.
today we are just another statistic.
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| Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
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2:59 am - taaaaakkkeee on me.
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it's official. i am the last one of my grade school friends (that i have kept in decent touch with) to turn twenty-one. i really hope my dearest monica had to wear the banana suit we discussed during her drunken escapades tonight. i can tell by the slur on the telephone that the liquor was flowing and the good times were rolling.
shit, i am really glad i am going to the beach.
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| Friday, June 24th, 2005
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1:21 am
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i have recently started diving into dangerous regions of my house where only dust bunnies, report cards, and nintendo power pads survive. so far i have come out quite victorious, recycling pounds of paper on a weekly basis and uncovering not only my sambas from age 14 (which means i can put off buying new shoes for another 7 years), but also my rollerblades from about the same era (thweeeeeet!). today i discovered a priceless picture of my father dressed in some jaw droppingly fantastic plaid pants and oversized tortise shell glasses. other then catching up on years of cleaning my days and nights have been rather quiet only broken up with a few choice outings where i walk away with stories spinning in my head of bottles smashing onto heads and punches being thrown resulting in bloody noses.
i am a supervisor again at tower records, translating into a raping of my soul five days a week. i am looking for volunteer work on my precious days off, any suggestions? if i don't go to school in the fall which looks like a very probable scenario i am seriously contemplating jumping into bike messanging because it would get me away from the four walls of customer service for a while and the hours alone with only a radio to keep me company could be really theraputic for some major soul mending.
take me to see batman begins again, please, so i can take notes on how to become the dark night. laugh at that remark and you will feel my revenge.
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| Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
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3:09 am
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i am all around numb i suppose. i feel as if i am going through the stages of breakup that main characters of romantic comedies seem to hand hold their diluted best friends through. you know those friends who fall too hard and too quickly for some shmuck that sleeps with them one night and never calls. except it's not about a guy. i suppose my frustration in all matters concerning higher education have now configured my brain to want to curl up and die.
in other news,,,
potomac video (in potomac) has been beaten up by the man (netflix) and is closing on may 24th.
it fattened my wallet and movie collectiona nd for that i am quite grateful.
watching movies, smoking cigarettes, chatting with friends, solving crossword puzzles, and writing random notes on customer accounts were perfect things to do while getting paid slightly over minimum wage.
i think its about time i crossed that big sea to the left of us and see what the rest of the world has to offer. is it dangerous to wander into foreign lands with absolutely no agenda or finances. i think not.
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| Thursday, April 14th, 2005
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12:46 pm - class is cancelled class class is cancelled cancelled.
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i have been playing mortal kombat like it's my third job.
my left thumb is REALLY sore, really.
nitara rules and has inspired me to construct bat wings for myself (it's going to be hard finding talons in this market).
we must win more koins, then win robotman.
i have inhibited the body of a 13 year old boy.
my life is riddled with interestingness.
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| Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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2:22 pm
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i have to make this short and sweet because i do not like spending more time in the umd library than is absolutely necessary:
my mom's computer (the one i adopted as my own) is on the fritz, thus in bad condition. so, if i do not reply with the speed of light to messages, emails, and such. that is the reason.
the umd bursar's office needs to suck a big one. they are only delaying the reply of a big "N-O" from school's i am attempting to move my life towards come fall. seriously, if anyone knows of a commune where i will not be forced to dred my hair and listen to phish all day let me know because the snags or gigantic rips in my plan of action caused by finances is ass-i-nine!
i break glass tables with bare elbows. just check out these guns!?!?!?
the magazine release party was an unexpected success. i am eternally grateful to anyone and everyone who showed up even for 30 seconds. showing your support for something we all have been stressing about and caring for meant so much to each and every person involved in its creation. damn, even bernal came. we sold numerous copies, but if you missed your chance to pick one up at the party then keep an eye on the shelves at your local tower records because they should me arriving at any moment. if you didn't show up and said you were going to, then i hope you stub your toe today.
sin city is a whole pile of spectacularity.
i know situations occur at the time they are supposed to happen, but sometimes it feels like fate just throws something into the mix for fun, to keep life painfully dicey. it hurts me to sit back and watch two people i care about fall apart for different, but similar reasons. it's even harder when they confide in you and you become that vault again. keeping what one says away from the other because it's not your place, in the middle. i have always been good at keeping secrets, too good at times, destroying my sleep patterns and driving me stark raving mad, but i will do it because my obligation to others has always come before myself. it's my curse. i know you will both make it through this with minimal scarring just keep taking it day by day.
moving out soon. beast.
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| Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
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1:59 am - koodaaaayyysss!
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i don't know if i will ever get married, but if you are looking to propose to me any time soon use this song and i am putty in your hands. hear me, dramarama, putty.
ok what is it tonight?
please just tell me what the hell is wrong!
do you want to eat?
do you want to sleep?
do you want to drown?
just settle down, settle down, settle down!
i'll give you candy
give you diamonds
give you pills
give you anything you want
hundred-dollar bills
i'll even let you watch the shows you want to see
just marry me, marry me, marry me
i'm so sick of you tonight
you never stay awake when I get home
is something wrong with me
something wrong with you?
i really wish I knew, wish I knew, wish I knew
i'll give you candy
give you diamonds
give you pills
i'll give you anything you want
hundred-dollar bills
i'll even let you hear the songs I want to sing
because you married me, married me, married me
marry me, marry me, marry me
i was young I learned a game
that love and happiness were the same
now I'm older and I don't play
i found out the hardest way
i got wasted, she got mad
called me names then she called her dad
he got crazy and I did too
wondered what I did to you
i gave you candy
gave you diamonds
gave you pills
i gave you anything you want
hundred-dollar bills
i even let you hear the songs I want to sing
i gave you anything anything anything
i'll give you anything anything anything
i'll give you anything anything anything
anything
anything
anything.........
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| Friday, March 18th, 2005
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12:57 am
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my stomach is currently tied in 19 knots. i counted. sunday seems so close, but at least i am prepared for this audition unlike the tragic mistakes i made for the previous one. you live and you learn.
wish me to break a leg (or both) because i am really going to need it. KNOTS i tell you, KNOTS!
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| Friday, March 11th, 2005
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2:11 pm - friend to the friendless
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gnomes defeated in an epic slaughter. maybe i will write a book about it one day and call it "lord of the rings", sounds catchy. hell, i might even make it a three parter with a prequel. i bet no one has ever thought of THAT! the plot is how a young lady braved extreme cold, goblins, and wizards to procure her phone again.
all the fantasizing aside my phone is on again, so do with that information what you will.
now for the next battle: to brave the college application. i must be victorious, but i really hate paperwork that involves remembering dates and how much time i spent on each hobby in the past 4 years. i will probably stare at the computer screen for two hours trying to dredge up how my life experiences have shaped me since birth. i will grumble about it, but i'll do it. really, just accept me. i can give you my word that you will not regret it. OH, my word isn't gooood enough?! fine.
there is a tired, fat paperweight staring at me with an evil glare. awww kitty.
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| Sunday, March 6th, 2005
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6:37 pm
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It is the day we have all waited for ladies... and gentlemen!
GREG MAGEE IS LEGAL. oh snap.
(i am so creepy sometimes, correction... all the time.)
i had a surreal friday afternoon. thank you, philly. thank you, dali. and thank YOU, marissa.
ps. i really don't know how i feel about all this. it's too much? too soon?
phone update: i have conquered a small legion of gnomes, but have yet to find their leader. i trek on towards communication with the whole world.
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| Monday, February 28th, 2005
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2:06 pm - *bootyclap*
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my phone is very out of commission so, if you call it the sprint people will kill your first born child. i really don't recommend it. if you need to get ahold of me, then electronic mail it (cubedcoffee@yahoo.com) and i will do my best to check it semi-regularly until the phone situation is evened out. i may have to conquer a small village of gnomes in order for this to happen soooo... don't assume it will be any time soon.
OR you may call my house. if you don't have the number that is probably because i don't want you to. i warn you though my mother sounds exactly like me.
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| Friday, February 25th, 2005
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6:44 pm
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is there such a thing as a relief headache?
the audition was not nearly as excruciatingly painful as i assumed it would be. then again if you expect the worse and the building does not explode into a fiery pit of damnation when you open your mouth than anything seems positive in comparison. it did make me feel old, which at a whopping 20 years old is not an every day occurrence and most definitely not a welcomed one.
i trudged through snow and ice to pick up pictures from the developing place yesterday and one roll apparently encompasses 5 months of my life. time seemed so short and so long ago when sifting through those glossies and, hot damn, my hair changes with the seasons.
mad alley issue deux goes to printing on monday. that is all very exciting.
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| Sunday, February 20th, 2005
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3:35 pm - dig up her booooooones!
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this weekend put a damper on my "live like a hermit because when you tough it out alone in a couple months you better be pretty damn sure of what is going on in that thick skull of yours"... quest i am on. but i met a new friend and he is good times and has a diabolical plan for a rough game of capture the flag, which i am completely down for. chris, was it? mary makes me laugh 'til my tum tum hurts sometimes. that is until her loud ass almost gets me pulled over. i can officially say i have never been to a bigger party than the celebrity shin-dig i attended last night. it took me ten minutes to find someone, anyone i knew. then again i might have been delirious from being smacked in the head/face repeatedly with a hippity-hop yellow ball for a good couple hours prior to my adventuring out. i believed we achieved nothingness.
if anyone out there is a theatre guru or has close, personal friends that have achieved the title of guru. i need ideas for monologues ASAP. i have an audition coming up on thursday and besides being nervous all the way through my knickers i am also entirely unprepared. i need one "modern" and one "shakespearean". i need something not over used, but then again not screaming pretentious. oh yeah, and it better be good dammit. input would be greatly appreciated, obviously. i hope the stage is like riding a bike.
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| Monday, February 7th, 2005
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4:23 pm - i want to collapse against sheets and know that while we rest, others are fighting.
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it's not massachusetts ave, it's mass ave.
it's not commonwealth ave, it's comm ave.
it's not boston, it's citythatwelcomedmewithopenarms.
got it.
i do not dare to even attempt to sum up this weekend in some eloquent way because so much happened and i was severely sleep deprived for most of it, so i believe a coherent retell is an impossibility. there were many a highlight including the documentary montage with footage of THE dinosaur state park, midget generic sodas, dancing in the NYC subway, a pet asylum, etc; chinatown bootlegs and impulse buys; getting lost and finding my way; jack kerouac's "burial"; hampshire; and white castle. i could go on and on. thanks to boliver for accompanying me. surprisingly, i didn't get sick of you.
i have this new energy or motivation if you will. maybe not new but refreshed. time to take some action.
back to the 9-5 or 6:45-12:30, whatev.
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| Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
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4:28 am
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allllll day sunday i was riddled with chills. no explanation. just could not stop shaking. then, my family opened our christmas presents (don't ask questions) and what did i receive, but an electric blanket. it really is my new best friend. if i was 2 years old again i would name it something adorable like binky or cuddleshmoopy. the best night's sleep i have had in years is due to that 6' x 6' sheet of warmy, wired goodness.
i turned 21 today, february 1st. not really, but rather the only chick on the planet i am proud to resemble did! enjoy it dearest fine buddy! oh shit, kat(i)e, i know you will.
fleetwood, you too! happy 21! even though you are a bazillion miles away and this saddens me to no end i can only hope you savor every morsel of this day.
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